We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
