Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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