Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize