dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We are two peas in an std pod
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
