at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The air taste purple.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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