I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
