allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
