Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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