I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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