The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
