It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
