I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
