And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
