I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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