update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
