filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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