Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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