yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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