I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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