she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
