your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I didn't notice because vodka
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
