i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
