from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
