But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
