I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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