Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
