is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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