Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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