When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
