Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
