So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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