So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
