8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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