He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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