I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
