Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
