she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
