Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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