Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
