You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
