At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
