I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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