the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
