took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
