Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
