all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm gonna fight the coyote
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
