we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
