Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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