I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
