Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
