Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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