shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I wish there were birth control emojis
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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