Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
