Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
