I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude i'm inner monologue high
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
