Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
